Invitation to thinking….

Lay on a cold metal bed, half naked, leg strapped down, hands prodding, hands rolling me over, machine turning, taking pictures, cold room and voices instructing me from behind a screen…..

This was the reality of my ‘dummy run’ at Clatterbridge this week. The idea of the dummy run is to ensure that everything is set up for the radiotherapy to start. Practice runs aren’t done for every patient, however they wanted to do one on this occasion as radiotherapy is a complex treatment in sarcoma cases. I tested the mould and the bed positioning while a machine took ‘pictures’ of my leg. Lying there being poked and prodded by strangers, while thinking “how has my life come to this” is not a pleasant experience.

This session was an eye opener into what the next 33 appointments will be like: tiring, lonely and a great opportunity for my imagination to wander. Yes, John will be with me, but being in the room with nothing but machines for company is so cold and lonely and extremely inviting to sad and negative thoughts.

My first session is on Monday. I am so glad that it is starting now as its the first step in the final hurdle in my journey….for now. Yes, I have to have chest scans every 12 weeks for the next two years but these are precautions to ensure that the cancer doesn’t return and/or spread.

I am going to spend the next few days doing nice things with my lovely man before we are shocked back into a Monday-Friday routine. We may even start to appreciate weekends and hate Mondays again! 🙂


6 thoughts on “Invitation to thinking….

  1. Sue Sweet says:

    Hang in there Sweetie and try and stay positive, will be thinking about you and sending prayers your way xxx You have got this now go and kick it’s ass.


  2. Mel says:

    You’ve got this far Em – so just let that Tickle Monster spirit take over, and it’ll get you through it, no sweat !! – Stiff upper lip…deep breaths… !!

    Have an ace few days luv.

    Lots of love x x x
    Mel & Gaz


  3. jantickle57 says:

    Am sure you will be as amazing with this stage of your illness as you have with the rest of it Emma!!! Am sure you won’t have too much time to dwell on things as the actual procedure is relatively short yes??? Perhaps worst of it over with now, hope so darling x have lovely few days away and see you soon x x x


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